I think my boyfriend thinks I’m mean.

And I say that because I think lately he’s been feeling discouraged because I’ll say that we need to work on something and he feels like there’s a lot more to work on on his end… But here’s why I think he thinks I’m a mean person.

  1. When he said that he feels discouraged becuase he feels like there’s a lot more for him to fix on his end, I felt really bad. I don’t mean to put him down. But it’s the truth… The underlying problem that we seem to keep running into is if I say point out something that someone did/said that was inappropriate, he has a tendency to defend them. He did it with Hillary, Queenie, Matt, and his boss, Jennifer. He says something triggers him to say something nice to balance out what I said. I say something because a lot of what those people are doing are “taking advantage” of him. But then him defending them makes me think that I’m being too mean or harsh when I’m just telling him what I think. So do I just… Not say anything the next time someone does something inappropriate?
  2. We were supposed to meet up when my family and I went up camping. We were supposed to meet on Sunday night so that we could all eat oysters together. I thought there would be cellphone reception there, but there wasn’t. So there wasn’t any good way to get in touch with Richard/communicate where we were. He also needed to wait until his fresh food delivery thing came, which was any time between 12-6pm. I was starting to think that it would be too hard to meet on Sunday… But he knew that we were coming up for Richmond night market on Saturday. I’d been asking him if he was going to come, but he said it depended on work. Which I totally understood. I’d been driving all day because I had to drive to the campsite separately and then my dad wanted to keep the Outback at the campsite. So I drove. We get to the border and there’s a line up. I texted Richard and asked if he was coming. He said he would, but he was really tired. … I didn’t want to force him into coming, but I honestly thought he would come anyways. He kept going back and forth… So I just called him because I needed an answer so I could plan things out. I honestly thought he would come… I was hoping he would come because I really wanted to see him. But he said, “No…..It’s okay. I’ll just see you next time.” I felt dumb. My boyfriend was literally 30 minutes away and didn’t want to come see me. Instead, he was going to stay at home and eat Mcdonald’s by himself. He kept saying he felt bad, but he had a stressful and busy day… And me, being the mean person that I am… Started rubbing salt to the wound. I said that it was fine. If he wanted to come, he would have. His long distance girlfriend was in the same country as him, but no big deal. I was embarrassed because my parents kept saying that they didn’t expect Richard to come anyways… We were only there for an hour and a half. But why didn’t my boyfriend want to see me…? Clearly he didn’t want to… Otherwise he would have? Does he not like me as much anymore?

In hindsight and knowing Richard, he must have really not been feeling good that day. I feel like something must have happened, but I wish he would have just told me… Given me some context…

I’m not saying I wanted to FORCE him to come. But it kind of sucked when my boyfriend, who I don’t get to see that often in the first place, was choosing to stay at home by himself and eat Mcdonalds.

I guess with the whole discussion of him being discouraged + this happening, it just made me question how he feels about me and this relationship.

He hasn’t spoken to me since Saturday. He doesn’t look at my social media. He’s on Facebook, so I know he’s ignoring me. lol.

I feel bad that I made him feel bad.

I don’t understand where to go from here. When he leaves me hanging like this, I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. Yes, I’m still upset that he didn’t show up… Especially because we were only there for a couple of hours and he would have Sunday and Monday off. I also haven’t seen him for three weeks and won’t see him for another two.

Maybe he’s done? Maybe I drove him away haha. Maybe he’s waiting for me to apologize first. The thing is, I know that what I said was mean. But it was the mean, hard truth. If he wanted to see me, he would have come and said hi or made alternative plans. He didn’t have to come to Night Market. We could have met at a Tim Hortons or something after. If he wanted to see me, he would’ve come see me. And maybe he’s realizing he didn’t want to see me all along.

I was sad that he couldn’t come down on Sunday. I had a feeling he would have loved it. The Oysters we had were so fresh, and we went on a hike… I feel like he would have loved it. I kept thinking to myself… We gotta come here together.

So yeah.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this whole time. I wished he was there… And one of these days, he’s going to leave me hanging and then he’s going to just stay gone.