I love my job. I love where I’m at because I love the work that I do. But there are times when I catch myself feeling really negatively about the people I work with.
Sometimes it’s just nice to hear that someone thinks I look pretty.
I know when I look pretty and when I feel pretty.
It’s just nice to hear it from someone else… for someone else to make you feel beautiful.
One time my teacher from my program said she thought I looked beautiful on one particular day and that I was just absolutely beaming. And I just legit started crying because I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said I was beautiful, and I just felt really touched.
It’s crazy that I’m so focused on my insecurities. But it’s really because when I hear the things that perpetuate those insecurities, rarely do I ever feel strong enough to combat them. Because those people shatter every last bit of confidence I have in myself… which I know is wrong. Because I can’t and shouldn’t put my self worth in others.
It’s just… I’ve heard so many times in my life the negatives about my body. It’s so backwards to me that I get uncomfortable when someone compliments me.
But it’s a good kind of uncomfortable…
I don’t know. I hate that I look for validation in others, but it’s just something I need… because sometimes when I’m feeling weak and vulnerable, believing and loving myself becomes a scary and difficult thing. I just need help getting back to where I can love myself more.
Today I drove home feeling really insecure and upset.
So when I was turning in my resignation, my boss told me she felt like I was not as engaged lately… But she figured it was because of my long-distance relationship.
My final day of work is 2/9.
No looking back.
Just looking forward.
I wrote my letter of resignation.
I am going to put my two weeks in today.
I was trying to sleep like. 3 hours ago… but now I’m scared to sleep because I’m scared I will oversleep. The dread is causing anxiety. The anxiety is making the dread worse.